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Return to Stupidland - released August 1999 - Lyrics

Return to Stupidland Lyrics

We should never have left Stupidland, that's for sure. Lesson learned!


S = sound file L = lyrics T = transcription

X L X   01. The Last Words of Captain Reginald E. Roberts 1:24
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
   "Marchtober 14th, 1982: The acceleration of the walls was not hindered by yesterday's efforts. This morning I looked outside of the tent and Francis was [unintelligible]. He's served as an excellent trapper but I think the rays are starting to affect him as well. I've even seen him picking up domples while on his rounds. I asked him about the leaves but he denied it. I may be forced to throw him in the hole with the others. My stomach cringes from the vile flavor of the indigenous berries, which now make up my entire diet. I must not succumb to the endless twitching, lest I end up like the rest. In our last inventory of the firewood, some patches of moisture were noted. Tomorrow I'll have to AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAHHHHHHH! MY ARM! FRANCIS! FRANCIS! I must continue this later; it's finally collapsing..."
   This final entry in the journal of Captain Reginald E. Roberts gives us some insight into the final events of an ambitious expedition gone horribly awry. The crew of the Merrypost was found dead in the hollowed-out trunk of a large tree. Autopsy results... were inconclusive.

S L X   02. The Orange Boat Apple Circus 1:58
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Hello, welcome to the circus
This isn't just any circus
It's the orange boat apple circus
Sponsored in part by orange boat apples
Try one today
That is, if we ever let you leave the circus
You'll notice to your left and to your right
There are exits for your convenience
You'll also notice that these exits are boarded up
You can't leave ha ha ha ha ha ha
I'd like to introduce myself but I can't I don't exist
This is my assistant robot man
He's made completely out of tin cans
Except for his soul; it's made from lots of things
Like purple fruit, bugs, ducks, and springs
And except for his eyes they're made out of pies
And except for his nose it's made out of a rose
And except for his hair it's made out of a pea
And except for his legs it's made out of eggs
And except for his brain it's made of a train
And except for his stomach it's made out of a stomach
And then there's my good friend fan man
He's made completely out of a fan
Except for his fan which is made out of a fan
Now watch us dance
We're dancing as you watch
We're dancing on your watch as you're watching us dance
We're watching you dance
You're dancing on my watch
I'm watching you dance on your own watch

X L S   03. Life 4:00
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Life, knife, cutting board, wife
Move me away and infect me with blithe
Go, no, I don't think so
Stuff me in a mountain and cut off my toe
Yes, I guess, I'm not going west
Seeing you happy, it makes me depressed
Rabid snakes in your corn flakes
How many pills will I have to take
To take me away from these twisted thoughts
Evil dreams in my head are caught
Drill a hole in my head
When I wake up, you'll be dead
Sitting at my toes at the foot of my bed
Help me stay awake
This evil will not pay
You were killed today
Wait, fate, I'll have to contemplate
Hand me a fork and I'll eat off my plate
Rug, a hug, Please don't eat my lugs
Wrap me with cotton and I'll be snug
Hurt, curt, My name's not Bert
With the clouds that I may flirt
Way, nay, I'll have to eat hay
Sell me some sugar that I bought today
Mastermind of rich gold I will find
Eating up sugar it stirs up my mind
A swirling abyss deep within my guts
Walking down the street I may strut
Eating while I'm eating
With the fool of fruit you'll be feeting
Is it I who you're needing
Sun, fun. Please excuse my pun
If you call me nuts, then I'll call you hon
Man, can, this pain I can stand
Put my legs in the blender put my head in the fan
Book, cook, into the house I snook
It was my blood I thought that you took
Pen, pencil, a writing utensil
Draw me a picture and I'll give you a stencil

X L X   04. Mounting Diagram 0:20
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   05. Invisible Background 0:56
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Have you ever seen the old man who lives in the drain
He's as tall as snow and behaves like a brain
And some people say he's completely insane but they're wrong
Things you don't see will make you blind from behind
Eat the rind hear the grind what you find is your mind
He's got five hands and he knows just what to do
When his eyes are lost in mountains of blue
He'll eat his shoe
That's somethin' new

X L X   06. Chop of Pig of Twelve Books 1:58
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
If I eat me now in my dreams,
Hour to think next to the cherry
And the yellow ice cream.
My base begins to communicate;
I use the shaver in order to answer.
This educates sometimes me to miracle, which is false.
Achieving into my bag
For only finding that of the tooth and whose butterfly
Operate I on a Circusstand.
The world can go 'round up and' approximately,
But my life span goes for low and for low.

S L X   07. Disco Zombie 1:05
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Help, help, I'm zombified
Thought I was dead but I'm still alive
Gonna eat out your guts until you die
Then you too can be zombified
Disco zombie
Better watch out 'cause I'm gonna eat you
Stand behind your friend, well I'll eat him too
Pick up sticks and buckle my shoe
Gonna eat the whole world and make a zombie out of you
Well I'm a redneck zombie and I'm really gross
Wanna eat some brains well I eat the most
Yes I'm dead but I'm not a ghost
Gonna be on the front of the Washington Post

X L X   08. Elpasti 1:48
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Swing in and out of the bottom of the pan
Write your half name on a toenail can
He who owns the bag of bones
Holds the right to the oldest throne
The coldest throne it is my home
For I am the owner of the bag of phones
I lost my outer mind
Pie has infinite layers
Each more delicious than the last
Your half name is past

S L S   09. Mr. Dead 1:39
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
(Voice 1 counts from 0 to 100 and then from 1 to 70)
(Voice 2):
Hi. I'm Mr. Dead.
Why doesn't everyone look green?
I don't understand how to build a machine to make sticks
I am dead dirty dead dod dad dud dead
I'm Mr. Dead but I still don't understand how to build a machine to make apples or sticks
People knock on my door because they want sticks
Or apples or shoes but they don't know that I don't know how to build machines like that
Please Mr. Dead build me a machine to make sticks
I don't understand how to build machines
I will kill people instead because
I'm Mr. Dead
I'm Mr. Dead
Why do people want me to build machines when I don't know how to build machines to make sticks
I'm Mr. Dead
I'm Mr. Dead

S L X   10. Hey Psycho 3:09
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Hey psycho
Do you like cheese
Let's go down to the dogs
We can eat like fleas hey psycho
And do what we please hey psycho
I know you think like the trees
You're a psycho
What's going on in there
Hey psycho
Here at the beach we don't need to wear socks
Just put on my wig and I'll call you Goldilocks
Hey psycho
I've got friends like the bears
They wear silk
They don't wear hair like you psycho
Scribble some dots
Connect the lines
Staple to my head I'll tell you what I find
Hey psycho
If it's chocolate coated, feed it to me
Like milk, or yellow like pee hey psycho
Hey psycho
Whatcha think about that now, psycho
Hey psycho

X L X   11. Relative Handspike 0:22
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   12. The Entrance 1:10
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
You were walking down the street and you met a little dog and he sucked you in and reality sprung around his head and all of a sudden he invited you to his house and you went and it was this giant ball and you stepped inside and everything turned black except for one sound that was clear and it was a voice and this is what you hear:
"This is your mindcase you must trust me it's empty right now but I'll fill it for you in just a second. Hello my name is Lisa I'll be your god for the rest of your life and now you must tell me what you want, but first there's a catch: you must worship me for the rest of your life and sacrifice one person each day that you feel obligated-I will tell you when you will feel obligated later."

X L X   13. Competent Workmen and Good Materials 1:19
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Competent workmen
And good materials

X L X   14. Annoyntment 0:21
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L S   15. My Vacation in the Hotel 3:37
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Down in the lobby where all the birdies fly
I see all the rich folk I see them with my eye
I go to the swimming pool to have myself a swim
There's lots of fat old guys in SpeedoŽs but I'm not as fat as them
I'm walking
I walk myself back upstairs to watch the TV screen
I see all the Spanish maids I think they're really mean
I take a little shower and then I go to bed
I like to dream of sugarplums dancing in my head
(ha ha ha ha)
I dream of going to Disneyland and riding all the rides
I dream of going to chocolate shops and eating chocolate pies
I dream of seeing Mickey Moose and all his goofy friends
I dream of taking the whole day off and spending it with them
I'm walking
I dream of pretty beaches with sand between my toes
And smelling pretty flowers smelling with my nose

X L X   16. Bright Darkness 1:26
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Circus clowns are searching for me now
Yes I don't know how to get away
I wanna be my own
I wanna cloud my vision with thoughts
I create alone
I wanna perceive only myself
I wanna understand everything else
But not let it into my mind
I want the physical to vanish
Except for the crowded dusty and unused libraries
Inside my head
Inside my head yeah yeah
Oh here come the circus clowns
They're coming to get me oh no

X L X   17. Corn Starch 1:42
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Get up everybody
Corn starch
Throw your hands in the roasting pan
Get your fat drippings on the floor and party
Stirring to remove browned bits dance
New fat-free cakes on the mic
Season to taste
All night over medium heat

X L X   18. The Waterplace 1:37
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Taking all the talking stockings
Off the crystal waterplace
Santa sees a ruthless caking
Washing up his evil face
Nothing matters, it's all controlled
You'll be here till they tell you to leave.
Don't write a biography it's told
The minute you started to breathe
Don't worry what's in it you hurry about
And death is overcome in the end or at least surpassed
There's a sandpool sucking in your luck
And a grand fool driving your favorite truck
In perception of the eyes that see an empty
Wandering in the mind of a meaningless thought
Of an imagined person who was never
Developed you're enveloped in a secret episode
And your mind begins to explode

X L X   19. The Dungeon of the Dragging Shackles 0:41
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   20. Revolution 1:07
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Then a large cube of tofu walked up and said, "need a ride?"
That then a large cube of tofu went high and said, "need a turn?"
The fact that largely a cube of tofu on REAR ONES to then go high and to say, "needs revolution?"
The fact that in great part a cube of the tofu on the POSTERIOR PART then to pass to HIGH and to say, "has need of the turn?"
The fact that in the great part a cube of tofu in the POSTERIOR PART then to pass the RISE and the word, "has the necessity of the rollback?"
Made that in greater part one bucket tofu in LATER then PART to pass ASCENT and word, "to have necessity restoration?"

X L X   21. The Inner Nothing 1:24
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
The inner nothing that I feel has left me amidst the only thing that's real I've seen it I've become infatuated horrified and thrown completely off-guard it caught me with its lack of anything and drew me in hard
You say there is no nothing if nothing existed something would be nothing and that would make nothing something but words and even thoughts are convoluted and misinterpreted by all no one understands anything until after they've experienced and become that thing I am nothing so are you

S L X   22. The Zoo 2:05
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
One time I went to the zoo
I saw a tiger and a parrot and a zebra
And an elephant and a giraffe and a lion
And a hippo and an alligator and a peacock and an otter
I like the zoo
I wish I could live in there
Because I feel at home with a polar bear
Chewin' on my arm
I don't like to eat a big balloon
But I like to go to the zoo
The animals are my friends except the green baboon
He steals my pencil and my nose and my hairdo
One time I went to outer space
Outer space can't compare to the zoo
I don't like to eat a big balloon
But I like to go to the zoo
The animals are my friends except the green baboon
He steals my pants and my eyeball and my shoe
At the zoo
Dee doot-doo
Nobody should like space better than the zoo
At the zoo
Dee doot-doo

X L X   23. Rigor Mortis 1:19
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Rigor mortis
Remote control
Rigor mortis

X L X   24. Philiceophocream 0:42
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
bow before the ice cream truck can't see it but you know
that it exists and contains all flavors possible so
you think of this and realize that should you feel inclined
you could not create a new flavor for it's already defined

X L X   25. Shrunken Heads 1:25
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Hi, I'm a crazy guy who likes to wander around your neighborhood. Mind if I come in? Thanks. Look at my big knife; isn't it big? Would you like some cheese? May I cut you some crackers? Oh what a nice dog; is it an elephant? May I shave it? So, what are you watching? May I eat you? How 'bout a slice of plastic? Say, let's take a ride—jump on my back, I'll fly us there. What color is that? Square? Say, I haven't cut your carpet today. Nickel? You want some? They're really good mmmm. You smell that pattern? Red green orange blue metal red green orange blue metal no no no (shut the door) Do you mind if sleep on your ceiling tonight? (shut the door) It keeps my hair warm and the blood pumping to my teeth. Well I guess it's time to go, I promised my dead horse I'd play the tramboney tonight. Don't worry though (shut the door) I'll come back in 2495 years. Hear ya then. Bye-bye.

X L X   26. The Flying Thing 3:11
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Four guys standin' around in the dark
A little elf sittin' in the park by himself
A big flyin' thing in the sky
That's when you know you're gonna die
'Cause when the four guys come ta getcha
There's no escape for you
But the little elf he'll laugh atcha with his cape
And there's nothin' you can do about the flyin' thing
And the sky it turns to blue
And your eye it turns anew
And you feel like somethin' out in the ground maybe
And the buzzin' sound in your eyes
Makes you drown with sighs
'Cause the four guys don't like ya
That's what they're for and they're not standin' around in the dark anymore
And the elf laughs haha ha haha ha ha ah haha ha
He sees that flyin' thing
He'll know what message it brings

X L X   27. Green Snake 0:22
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   28. And Thumb 1:26
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
AAAH (x 10)

X L X   29. Aahhh My Glasses 1:31
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Aahhh my glasses

X L X   30. Four Major Problems 0:16
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   31. Boot Canal 1:23
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   32. Sweet Dreams, Buddy 1:27
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
This is the sound of a scary dark room
A scary dark silent room like the one that you're in right now
A scary dark silent what's that? It's the phone
You better answer it
Hello? Hello?
There's no one there
Can you hear me? Ha ha ha haha ha!
Do you own a phone?
Oh my god!
That's right you don't
A scary dark empty silent room that we're in right now
Sweet dreams, buddy

S L S   33. Have a Good Night 2:56
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Sitting in a room makes me feel sickened and numb
Opening my eyes I see where I'm from
Now lying in a room makes me dream of sighs
And I hear cries and something dies amidst all the lies
And nothing makes me think of sitting anymore
Sitting on the floor makes me think of trees
Scratchin' off silver from an old man's head
Drink all my blood 'till I fall over dead
Ridin' on a train nonstop up the hill
Gonna chop off your arm just to stay off the pill
Learnin' good manners from the guy next door
Bounce off your head and punch through the floor
Puttin' me on with your magical powers
Goin' big game huntin' gonna kill off the flowers
Turn off the lights and say goodbye
Goin' out to dinner gonna eat all the sky
Put on my shoes gettin' ready to swim
Scratchin' my back standin' next to him
Walk through the river and sail to sea
Take off your brain and hand it to me
Talk to the fishies livin' in the ground
Went dumpster divin' look what I found
Take out the trash gonna feed it to my dog
Gonna climb up the wall pass through the frog
Drivin' down the road in my brand-new car
It runs on apples gonna drive it real far
Goin' to the mountains gonna climb up the trees
Goin' to the bathroom gonna go pee-pee
The sun's gettin' black time to go to bed
Tuck in my blankie and turn off my head
I walk myself back upstairs and have myself a snack
I like to watch the sunset the sky is turning black
And now I'm feeling tired so I'll put myself to bed
And dream of furry sheep jumping in my head

X L X   34. Urine Trouble 0:12
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   35. Infestation 1:56
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
When you're lying in your bed
And you're insane and you're dead
And you're walking down the street
And you feel like nobody knows what to eat
You are right no one does
Know what to eat because
They are dead just like you
And they're lying in your bed too
And they've taken over your mind
Invaded all your thoughts
They're curious they will find
What you hate and give it to you
Every second for the rest of your life
And you're running away
And everyone looks the same
Their heads are empty except for their brain
They are dead so are you
And they talk just like me
And they look like me too
Maybe, maybe not
You are dead I am dead they are dead we're all dead

X L X   36. Jazz 0:21
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
I know that a lot of things were done
That you

X L X   37. Unnecessary Surgery 0:50
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   38. The Adventure of Otis, Part II 0:18
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
I'm gonna kill you
Outer space

X L X   39. Lugubriosity 0:58
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
My spirit's all dressed in black; I wonder who died
Maybe an acquaintance or a distant relative
Like my body or maybe someone lied
About some funeral for some candy that it was fond of
Say farewell to something you'll be getting soon
When you lie to your friends you're confusing yourself in
Many ways
These thoughts never die they just meet more people
And learn how to lie a little better
To convince (confuse) everyone including me hopefully

X L X   40. Lingering Odor 0:37
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   41. The Man in the Other Room 3:56
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
I am the man in the other room
I am the man in the other room
That room over there contains a man
That man is me
The man in the other room
I am not in this room
I am in the other room
Because I am the man in the other room
I am the man in the other room
I am the man in the other room
I am the man in the other room
I am the room in the other man
I am the man in the other room
I dropped my chains in the other room
I am the man

X L X   42. I Eat Poop 1:23
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
I eat poop
He eats poop

X L X   43. Enormous Amounts of Knitting 0:18
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   44. The Unquestionable Truth 1:41
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Existence is futile
Change is irrelevant reincarnation is necessary
And karma is inherent in that
Aliens exist
Your lifetime is eternity longer than life itself exists
Chances are small that you'll come back to this world
But the cow you put through your intestines
Could have been your mother or your son
Time has no influence over the energy of souls
But soul energy creates time in order for it all to coexist at once
Death is meaningless
Evil causes evil
It has always existed it's no worse than good, no better
Only a different opposite
Positive and negative have positive and negative connotations
But all they are is opposites
Without one the other would be irrelevant
Nothing would be good needs evil
Good is relative evil is relative
Perspective skews reality to smulrch one's inner workings
To make it all understandable
My thoughts cannot be processed by your brain
Without first deciphering the code
Destroying reality is as easy as pulling the trigger if that gun
Means to you what it means to me

X L X   45. Song of the Flotation Cloud 1:07
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
A man falls through the sky
He lands on the purple ground
There's a giant mouth on his stomach
And his nipples look like eyes
He falls next to a bouncing cube
With different expressions on each face
Then he walks through an arm
And he falls through the rocks and he's chased by Satan
And Satan goes and has sex with a
Slab of meat on a meat hook
An artsy painting flies by of a fish with tusks
And a pig walks into an igloo

X L X   46. Mr. Seven 1:23
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Mr. Seven was walking in a door
When he wasn't standing any more
And he looked up to the floor
And he saw more than he ever saw before

X L X   47. Solid Brass Hand 0:24
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   48. Redface 0:36
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
The big red stop sign is my friend
He will be there until the end
I tell him all my dreams and lies
He sits and listens while the cars pass by
The big red stop sign is my friend
I love him so much I'll sing it again

S L X   49. Stopper, Driver 3:01
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
You look sad, little man
What's wrong?
Did your dad lose his hand?
No way, how'd that happen?
Was he falling off a cliff?
Did he try to stop himself like this?
Oh that must've hurt
And there goes his hand now he's falling
Now he lands ha ha ha
Oh that, that's terrible
I'm sorry, young man
Why don't you come to my house
You can sleep there for now
Don't mind the mouse
I know it's big and I know its eyes are red
And I know it's seven feet tall and it eats people at night
But who cares because what have you got to live for anyway
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha

X L X   50. $3 Trampoline 0:17
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)

X L X   51. Cuz I'm givin' it up 3:05
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)