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The Single Most Important Event in the History of Music - released June 2012 - Lyrics

The Single Most Important Event in the History of Music Lyrics

Witness one of mankind's finest achievements!

The musical portion of this album was actually completed in 2009, but the world was not ready (also, we had no cover art). At last, the time has come! Play it loud and unleash the greatest force of musical annihilation this planet has ever seen.

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S = sound file L = lyrics T = transcription

X L X   01. 11111011001 0:41
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Uh
Yeah
I P H
Deuce-double-O-twelve
You thought we was zucchini?
We straight Picasso crawfish, dawg
For real

S L X   02. My Automaton 0:58
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
My automaton gets me dressed in the morning
Makes me coffee and toast
I know my automaton keeps me healthy
My automaton loves me the most
My automaton, Tom the Automaton
Tucks me in at night
After Tom the Automaton brushes my teeth
My automaton, Tom, turns off the light

X L X   03. Raving Lunatic 0:51
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Iím such a happy guy with absolutely no angst
The world is just perfect and thereís nothing to be angry about
We live in the greatest country on Earth
Our government is terrific
Wealth is distributed fairly, and no one is ever underpaid
Health care is readily available to everyone in need
No one ever goes hungry, and nobody lives on the street
People always live such long, wonderful lives
Thereís no such thing as suffering, and people donít actually die
This world is so full of joy and devoid of misery
The police are incredibly helpful
Everyone is a productive member of society
This is the best of all possible worlds
Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt

X L X   04. The Gopher 1:46
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Well there's a big blue page on the frozen ship
Where the big girls comb their hair
And the hatchet never gets buried
And the hamster wonít ever get spared

There's a termite cabin in the country
And the country is near the moon
So the fireflies separate the nervous
And you know the badger eats grass too

Well pinch me in the face and tell me something nice
Like a rabbit is fuzzy and cold
And we'll eat cranberries in the forest
That are covered in chocolate and gold

Baby hippos got a lot of texture
And they're coated with a premium glaze
But the gopher pays the price for the yogurt
That'll feed him for nine billion days

X L X   05. Crayzons 0:58
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
One time we went crazy in a mental institution
And we went...
Beep-boo-bop crazy
We went around in sunflowers and singy songs
Chuck into the heather and we gave it on
Chopped off each other's heads and we went
Crazy

X L X   06. Meteor Blues 0:45
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
(Do it right)
Well I woke up this morning
I was feeling mighty fine
So I walked on out the front door
And everybody was dead
Why did that meteor have to come and strike my planet right now?

S L X   07. Giant Dark Worm of the Underground 1:20
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Giant dark worm of the underground
I call forth your spirit
To feast on my bones like bread
Spread with the worm jelly
Giant dark master of the wormy flesh
I call forth your spirit
To play the bassoon of doom and destruction and chaos
(And pain (of doom))
The doom and destruction brought forth by the pain
And the chaos of doom and pain
And the doom worm of doom dines on my skull
As you sit and play your bassoon of doom
Play your musical notes on the bassoon
Of doom

S L X   08. My Body's in the Hole 4:26
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Way down in the deep dark hole
Where my body lies
Snakes crawl and vermin gamble
With my eyes
I canít see the sun ever again
Because I am dead
And also Iím in a deep dark hole
My bodyís in the hole
Down there in the moldering bog
Thereís an evilness
A festering magical poison frog

Now that the demons have arrived
From the Netherlands
My soul will never be free
I try to make a sound
But the frog wonít listen to me
My bodyís in the hole

Way down in the dark
Way down in the deep dark hole
My bodyís in the hole
The deep dark hole
With the magical festering poison frog

X L X   09. Reinventing the Wheel, Part II (Reprise) 0:11
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Uh! What? Yeah, I said.

S L X   10. Zap into the Past 1:01
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
I'm walking down the street and I'm going real fast
My velocity is such that I zap into the past
Find myself trapped back in 1642
Where the rock is not invented and the sky has not turned blue
Everyone is staring as if I am something weird
So I tell them "howdy-doo" and they run away in fear
Now I'm stuck in this time with no way to get back
And walking backwards fast is the talent that I lack
So help me if you can, Dan, send a time machine
'Cause getting back to my time would be something really sweet

X L X   11. The Right Kind of Pants 2:42
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Nobody knows...
Nobody knows what kind of pants to wear
Nobody wears the right kind of pants anymore
Bucketloads of scorpions fall out of my bed
Every night I get up with a mouth full of lead
These shelves are flying off of themselves (yes.)
The train will arrive at a quarter to ten
And yeah, I open a box now and then
Tell me now, is it a good time?
Now, is it a good time?
Nobody knows what kind of pants to wear
They just don't wear the right kind of pants anymore

X L X   12. Walk-in Clinic 1:49
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Red eyes wander through the darkness
Just remember time goes both ways
Dreams emerging wind down backwards
Thoughts degrade into a red haze
My front door is always open
Some of them just might be in here
Have you seen them crawling around you
This dimension just makes no sense
Realize you have no appendages
Always are the red eyes roaming

X L X   13. Devil's Housekeeper 0:46
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
One cold and windy day I had to go down to the market
To get some milk, bread, eggs and truffles and some other delicacies
Proceeding to the register, I realized I had brought no money
But then the devil jumped up and he said something that was funny
Then he made a deal with me that he would buy the groceries
As long as I would cook his food and sweep and mop and trim the trees
So now I am the housekeeper for the devil
And I think that's just fine
Real fine

X L X   14. Pancake Time 3:02
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
The world explodes at five oíclock today
So get up, get dressed, and get on your way
The kitchen is full of uninvited guests
The clock is ticking and now itís time
To make some pancakes

X L X   15. Blbblblblblblblbblblbblbuh 0:11
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Blbblblblblblblbblblbblbuh

S L X   16. Croton 1:58
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Croton, walking like a magnet
Pickin' up seven eighths of a donut
Protons, flying like a sea monster
Takin' up seven eighths of the universe

Ping-Pong, the everlasting ding dong
Suckin' up seven eighths of a croton

Croton, sleeping like the dirt
Eatin' seven eighths of the donuts in the sea

X L S   17. Decade 1:01
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Decade!

X L X   18. Drims 4:15
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Here goes the mind of a maniac
The animals all cluster around to eat us
Echoes of a deranged lunatic calling out
Reminding me that there is no space

The tone of your voice is too loud
Harsh whispers sound so proud
Rearrange to see the end again
And take a fall into the world
Of the great removal

X L X   19. The Gulper Eel 1:33
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Retaining the inside scoop
Remaining outside the group
None of our bones must show
Revisiting the front row
Some of the noises have heard
That magic's on top of the word
The noises inside me are deep
Like sub-maritime sheep
The palms are alive in the sand
And the ocean says, "Isn't life grand?"

I sometimes require a walk
And the pattern is outlined in chalk
The fruit is relinquished by rock
From branches attached to the stalk
Creating outside the zone
The bounds are outside of the throne
And the gulper eel swallows my home

X L X   20. Jasper and the Devil 2:32
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Oh one day Jasper's bones ached so hard, his heart let out a scream, oh
Heard for miles was his sorrow so great, oh
But the heart was the source of the devil and it took old Jasper down to hell
Oh, Jasper and the heart of doom, oh
In the mines with the chain gang, oh
Never see the sun or a daisy again, oh

Now the gang struggled with Jasper's dead weight
Like an animal in a trap, eyes wide with fear
On account of the evil screaming heart of doom
Oh, Jasper's screaming heart of doom, oh

Oh will the devil in old Jasper's heart get out, oh
And crawl in another body and steal another soul, oh

Now every day the chain gang is plagued by ghastly screams
And frequent deaths and accidents
The locals speak of the curse of the mine and the legend of old Jasper

Oh, Jasper's sittin' pretty with the devil, oh
Lookin' grim as the reaper, oh yes

Oh he's swimming through the flames like a dragon, oh
Jasper's heart of doom, oh (x10)
Jasper and the devil

X L X   21. Electronic Crud 0:17
(Music by The Piz)
(instrumental)

X L X   22. The Black and Blues 3:37
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Well I woke up this morning outside of my regular bed
I looked on into the mirror and I couldn't see my own head
Just a big fat lump of some lumpy lumps
Purple and black and blue and plump
Swole up to three times watermelon size
I couldnít tell what was the nose or the eyes
I said, "That hole is a mouth, I can tell by the drool"
I got bit by a monster in the black end of the pool

I got the black and blues
Black and blues
Grew a couple of feet
So now I need a new pair of shoes

And then about one week later, I was sittin' in my favorite chair
I was looking down at that felt; you know the dealer was there
My chin still looked like an UGLI® fruit, my nose like a ripe Asian pear
I had blacks and blues and some reds and a green
So I cashed in the biggest stack of chips I ever seen
I was high on luck, when a monster with a bat
Whacked me right across my blue eyes and turned 'em both black

So now I got the black and blues
Black and blues
Grew a couple more feet
So now I need a new pair of shoes, you know

Looking in the mirror and the car is white and black
And blue and red lights are flashing onto my back
Then a monster pulled me out the car
And kicked me in the teeth with a long black stick

Now I got the black and blues
Got the black and blues
Grew a couple of feet
Now I need a new pair of shoes

X L X   23. Junkyard Cowboy 1:32
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Can you see the brains tryin' to jump out of my skull?
Feels like I'm starvin' to death even when my stomach is full
This thirst is never-endiní
I could drink everything in this barn
So everybody jump up and down eight times, then go to the junkyard
Where you can...
Buy junk
See if you can make yourself a useless robot
Try junk
Cut it up and fit the different pieces together
My junk
Stretches out from my floor to your ceiling
I'm junk
Earth is such a wonderful heap of junk

X L X   24. How It Was 4:42
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Sailing through the deep black sky
Will take the brain right out of your eye
Recline and stare through the endless void
Watch your mind slip away
When your bones fall apart

Our time is forever and arrival is here
There's no destination until we disappear

Feeling so small, in need of distraction
Part of the beast but not part of the action
Light the way to the coming around
Heed the voices when there isn't any sound
Try not to sink too far inside
If you reach the center, you won't come off the ride

Wrap your tongue around your own face
Sink your teeth into your brain
Once you come to see us
You won't be going back again

X L X   25. Deadline Jack 1:52
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
All the pens have run out of ink, and paper is much too fragile
So I always write in blood on flesh and bone
Human bodies are disgusting lumps of garbage, wouldn't you agree?
Sacks of fleshy organs filled with slime and poop and pee
Shut that slimy hole down below your greasy eyes
It's spilling out sewage all over the Earth, and it looks like big black lies

X L X   26. Deviled Greens 3:40
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Eat a cornbread sandwich with a heap of deviled greens
Take a walk on my shoes; I think you'll see what it means
When the bell chimes on Monday there's a world of shattered bricks
And the envelope I've conquered is filled with broken sticks
Take it, Anagram

When I came back to the garden it was a lumpy pile of clay
The dirt whales came on Sunday; I've never had a better day
Take a meatloaf omelet and a bag of pickled rocks
Never seen a man who could jump into his socks
Hit it, Anachronism

Drink a pint of chestnut juice and kill an exploding shark
If you like how a moose eats, you'd love me after dark
No one ever told me that the world is not inside-out
The lights are on but we're never home so take a bow and shout
Like a narwhal

X L X   27. Kung Pao Froot Loops 1:11
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Right now! It's a one-two-three-four
Kung pao! Gonna knock your ass to the floor
Gettin' up? What's up, do you want some more?
Just kidding, help you up and walk you to the door
Just then! It's a five-six-seven-eight
Listen to my rhymes 'cause it makes you feel great
Does eating Froot Loops make you want to change your state?
Wait a minute, think about it, just contemplate
Hey ho! Don't you know what I'm teaching you?
Are you sad? Don't cry, just tie your shoe
What's the matter, can't do it? Let me help you
But be careful not to step in dog poo

Yeah, boy
Insert Piz Hereó>
We in fulll efffeckt, suckkaz!!!

Now here we have the master
Breaking it down for you like a disaster
It's the master ninja dirt baby

(Yeah, boy)

X L X   28. Small Bright Penguin of the Overground 0:19
(Music by The Piz)
(instrumental)

X L X   29. Zebraic Firmament 2:43
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Can you taste the blood in the back of your throat singing worms love brains but they always choke up in the dark brown feeling in your head lamp shade tree branches out once you're dead twice upon a couple of times I saw through a forest of timber wolves chewing on a jaw bone/bona-fide clown in the alley way side ways around to the pilot who's bringing me down town under the city lights wreath above the stars the plastic people are moving like cars driving between the lanes in the night time taking its toll on the big street light black shadows on the face of the cliff at the ridge take the trolley across the old nose bridge the gap between the lines is full sail across the ancient lake of skull cap blowing off in the victim's skin-ned alive and well done churning in the wind mill spinning threads into sheets of ice chest heaving heavy blades making them sliced the cake of sorrow growing fat on death wishes for your voice with every breath-taking sight off that body in my head needs a hat trick the brain not to see it when it's shaped like that way down there people leading their livestock/ talk to the old man sharpening the knives sometimes frozen and other times thawed/thought waves crashing in may like it or not my stomach upset my mind ablaze/a blazing quill put more time in your days.

More time in your days, wooohooohooo ooohooo more time in your days, yeaahaaaahaaaaaa (etc.)

X L X   30. The World is Exploding Today 3:42
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
The world is exploding today
And we are all going to die
(etc.)

X L X   31. Take Off Your Skeleton 5:03
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
So I took a nap with a toothless goldfish shark man
He offered me a glass of water buffalo
I shaved the grass onto my feet
I polished the tile in the street
Take the knife out of your face
And take my future for a wallk in the park
Screaming cardboard cutouts outlined in crystal chalk
Hovering around the fingers of angels
And they're dead like a black hole
The mirage is moving closer to you, closer to the truth
Farther away from the gun on the table
Hit the road with a broken baseball bat
Pour the glass off the table
I took a fork out of my kneecap today
And I noticed the trees in the desert are much larger than life as of late
Butler Jones

Take off your skeleton, that's the key
Take off your skeleton, that's the key

Yesterday I figured it out
You need to take off your skeleton, that's the key
If just remember to take off your skeleton, it will be fine
That's the key to everything
If you can live without a skeleton, everything will be fine
Take off your skeleton, that's the key
Take off your skeleton and take out your eye
Take off your skeleton and take out your eye

S L X   32. The Old Cedar Grove 1:55
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
No one ever leaves the old cedar grove
Yet it draws souls in like a black hole
The earth is soft as the hide of a cat
The goblins of the North like it like that

Their lair is a maze of winding passages
Receding all the way to the center of the Earth
Where they smelt down iron taken out of blood
To make their tools and weapons of siege
Some fools in these parts just don't believe
In goblins and trolls until they wander into the old cedar grove
And they're captured and flayed and reduced in a cauldron
And fed to the trolls while it's scalding hot

So beware the cedars
They'll eat you alive
And kill you too

S L X   33. Cut Up Day 2:26
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
If you poke out my eye, well that would be okay
'Cause I still have one left to see throughout the day
If you poke out my other eye, well that would be all right
'Cause I didn't need them anyway to see when in the night
If you cut off my finger, well that would be just fine
'Cause I still have seven more that add up to nine
If you cut off all my fingers, that would hurt just a bit
But I won't fall to the ground and throw a big old fit

Poke out my eyes, that would be okay
Cut off my fingers, that is what I say
Poke out his eyes, that could be real fun
Cut off his fingers but then you'll have to run

You can cut off my leg but I can hop around
Cut off the other leg, and I'll fall to the ground
You can cut off my ear but sound I can still hear
Cut off the other one, you can keep it for a souvenir
Laugh at the bloody stump that I have now become
Even though I'm a bloody mess, you know I still had fun

Poke out my eyes, that would be okay
Cut off my fingers, that is what I say
Poke out my eyes, that could be real fun
Cut off my fingers but then you'll have to run

Poke 'em out and cut 'em off and throw 'em away
Everybody's having a cut up day
Poke 'em out and cut 'em off and throw 'em away
Everybody's having quite a cut up day

S L X   34. Yacht-Too-Cold Blues 3:11
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Woke up this morning
Checked out my pot of gold
Took a trip on my private jet
'Cause my yacht was too damn cold

I got the blues
Yacht-too-cold blues

Had my chef prepare some food
Told all my wives I'd be back soon
Packed all my friends in my spaceship
Had a party on the moon

I got the blues
Moon party blues

X L X   35. Size 76 0:53
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Painting the sky with the sea
Possessed by the soul of a tree
These bones are afloat in the tide
Hop in and go for a ride
Salty man stinging my eyes
And my tongue is just the right size, oh yes

Remember new things for your head
The chest can be used like a sled
The species invading the Earth
Always receives a wide berth
(Oh yes)

S L X   36. Totally Awesome 3:52
(Music by The Piz)
(instrumental)

X L X   37. Waimea Bay Tragedy 2:08
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
O, mi corazón

X L X   38. Infinite-Sided Dyes 0:13
(Music by The Piz)
(instrumental)

X L X   39. The Book of Jorby 0:50
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
(This time we're gonna do it)
Yeah
Can I borrow your head? (Yeah)
Hey, is that a walrus poop? (Yeah)
Punch yourself in the face! (Yeah)
Is it lunchtime yet? (Yeah)
Have you ever been murdered? (Yeah)
Could you hand me that volcano? (Yeah)
You want to set my house on fire? (Yeah)
Let's break stuff. (Yeah)

X L X   40. You're Not Ugly in the Dark 2:47
(Lyrics & Music by The Piz)
Hooowoowooo...
That's the sound of the werewolves
It's feeding time
Once upon a time, there was a man
And he was very ugly inside
Very, very ugly
So he took a kitchen knife
And he stuck it in his gut
And he pulled it up as far as it would go
And he pulled out the ugliness
Now the ugliness walks of its own free will
And it's looking for you in the dark
If you close your eyes, you can see it

Walking through the swamp, eating grass
Suckin' on lily pads and toads
Hiding in the tree is a wasp

The end.

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