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some frequently asked questions:

Q: What do you sound like? Are you punk? I know, you're ska, right?

A: We sound like five turtles rolling down a hill while throwing apples at a big target shaped like a piece of toast.

Q: What does PIZ mean?

A: Piz means many things. Originally we used it as a superior imitation of PEZ®, but a search of the internet will reveal that it has several different meanings around the world. In German, PIZ is an abbreviation for Patentinformationszentrum (Patent Information Center). Peaks of the Swiss Alps are named Piz Palü, Piz Tasna, etc., with hotels of the same name. Piz Buin is the name of a line of "suncare" products. I'm having trouble figuring out where that company is based, but it may be Finland. In Italy, Piz is probably someone's name, or Panelli Isolanti Zecca, a system of insulating panels for buildings. PIZ could also be short for pizza if you are looking for a pizza oven. Piz Pistol is the name of a pizza place in Montreal. If you are interested in astronomy, PIZ 1 might be the lowest-mass brown dwarf known. Dirk Piz was a racecar driver who died recently (April 30, 2001) in a crash at Daytona. PIZ.1176 and PIZ.2036 are computer viruses. Piz in Japan is a "silver fashion jewellery shop." Related (or not?) is the "Piz Club," also in Japan. A few people around the world have the nickname "Piz." Also, "PIZ" is the code for the Point Lay, AK airport. Insert Piz Here-> used PIZ to stand for Pornographic Imitation Zebra in the song "cart full of evil."

Q: How much are your tapes/CDs?

A: Ignore this explanation: The first 2 tapes were $2, the rest of them were $3 or best offer (hint, hint) except Pretend You Like It which was free. However, this policy has been replaced; now tapes are $799.98 each (suggested retail value) unless you can get them on sale for 3¢ each. CDs were approximately $5 unless they're double CDs, which they are (except for the zid, the educational album, Spezielle kratzfeste Oberläche, Return to Stupidland, Diverse Uniform, and Wrongtastic). The officer bobby CD single was $3, as is the Snow Pants EP. The stagnant river Nothing is worthless and nobody has ever paid any amount of money for it. Nevertheless, it is on sale here (prices subject to change).

Q: I only have 87¢.

A: That's close enough.

Q: I want a tape but I don't have any money.

A: Okay here you go.

Q: I spent all my money on ritalin.

A: I'll give you one for free then.

Q: Please give me a free tape

A: Okay

some infrequently asked questions:

Q: How did the Piz meet?

A: The Piz met in outer space, completely by chance, and immediately knew they were meant for each other. Read our history for more information.

Q: What kind of effects do the Piz use?

A: The Piz use a device called the Pizinator, built by Reuben using part of some weird purple mask, which produces either a crappy tremolo effect ("computer") or a stupid ring modulator-type sound ("laser"). A widely used effect is recording with dbx noise reduction on and then turning it off on one or all tracks for playback. Traditional distortion is also used, as well as intentional and unintentional misuse of microphones and other recording equipment. We make occasional use of computer-based manipulation of sound and also the effects processor of evil, including the funky wah-wah pedal of evil.

Q: How can I find out more about jonbobby mcfee?

A: You can't; he's too mysterious.

Q: Where can I find Piz tapes?

A: Look in trash cans and in the middle of the road (where people like to drive over them), or contact the Piz. The only other option is to wait until we become famous and our recordings are available in stores everywhere.

Q: What does "Copywrong" mean? Doesn't that mean you stole all your music from a different band?

A: It means whatever you think it means, unless you think it means what you just said you think it means, in which case it means nothing.

Q: Are you a real band?

A: No. We are a fake band. We make fake music.

Q: Are you the most important band ever to exist?

A: Yes.

some questions nobody will ever ask:

Q: What emotions do you most often try to represent in your songs? Because I have found that several of them make me happy to be in love with my toaster but sad that I am unable to express this feeling so that the toaster will understand. I thought since you wrote the songs that make me feel this way, you could give me some insight.

A: You're thinking of that other band, Inert Piss Hear.

Q: I like to chew off my arms, but I only have two and they won't last me much longer.

A: Please state your question in the form of a question.

Q: What does the impending colonization of the secret invisible planet Lrogtob have to do with the Piz?

A: At the moment, your question provides the only evidence of any such connection.

some questions that are both forbidden and impossible to ask:

Q:

A: Green beans.

Q: I have this question, but I can't think of a way to ask it?

A: Nice try, but putting a question mark at the end doesn't make it a question.

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