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Story 83

Story 83
by the pizard and Pirate Bob

one morning billy was eating a carrot. then out of nowhere came something billy had never seen before, it was another carrot. "wow," he thought, "i have never seen THIS carrot before." billy was easily amused.

then a large cube of tofu walked up and said, "need a ride?"

Billy was told never to take rides from strangers, but it looked like a friendly inedible object, so Billy climbed on. The tofu started complaining that his back hurt, so Billy got off and became distracted by series of flashing lights from the sewer.

billy was compelled to follow the lights, so he climbed down to investigate. when he got down into the sewer, some guy and his rat friend ran by with a bag full of brownies...billy wanted to follow them but then he saw the lights again...

"i've got to find out what that is," he thought

Just then Billy got punched in the face. When he woke up he was in a field surrounded by flowers. Six fat naked midgets were frolicing through the field and when the saw Billy the started doing the Hustle.

billy had never seen anything like this before. and now that he had, he somehow wished that he could be one of those fat midgets, they seemed so happy... but then he remembered about his pumpkins and squash... "oh yeah, my pumpkins and squash," he thought

he pulled the packet of pumpkin and squash seeds from his pocket and threw the seeds in the air. They exploded and made big clouds of smoke. Suddenly it started raining umpkins and squash. One especially large pumpkin fell on the head of one of the dancing naked midgets and killed him.

billy at first felt bad about killing one of the happy fellows, but that feeling was soon surpassed by an intense feeling of thirst...so he drank a glass of water and that helped

The midgets were not very happy. They came up to Billy and started screaming at him and kicking him in the shins. Billy threw his glass of water at the angry midgets and they all melted when they got wet. Then the ground started to melt too and Billy fell into a hole.

as he was falling down the deep hole his thoughts alternated between death and his carrot that he still hadn't finished eating... "if i die before i finish the carrot, it will go to waste," he decided, so he ate the carrot. then he landed in a strange place, sort of like a dark hole filled with rocks, except it was a well-lighted hole, with no rocks

The walls were furry and there was a strange smell almost like tuna but more like peanut butter and cream cheese. Billy felt around, but then remebered that it was well-light and he could see. So he stood up and looked for an exit.

he saw a door marked "exit" but when he tried to open the door he saw that it was only a spot of different colored fur on the wall, and not really a door. billy thought for a while. "oh yeah, this is my bedroom." so he climbed into bed and went to sleep...

His bed suddenly burst into flames and Billy saw a martian appear before him. The martian said, "please do not be alarmed we have come for your carrot." But Billy said, "I already ate my carrot." The martian looked confused and said, "Oh, well, sorry about your bed." and vanished.

billy thought, "this must be a dream." so he woke up, but he was never asleep in the first place, so he became very disoriented. he could no longer tell what was real and what was fake, that is until george bush came in and told him that everything was real. billy was satisfied so he went back to what it was that he normally did all day, which was eat a carrot

After eating carrots all day every day for sixteen years Billy's eyes became extremely powerful. So powerful that he could spy on the Commies. Billy decided to work for the government and spy on the Commies from his bedroom. But the President said they had already beaten the Commies. So Billy decided to spy on his 18 year old neighbor instead.

billy's eyes were so powerful that he could see through walls, and many other objects. this is useful when spying on someone. so he began looking through his neighbor's walls...after staring at his neighbor for some time he discovered that what he thought was his neighbor was actually just a bunch of green grapes

But the grapes were sentinent beings and they were plotting to take over the world with the help of Kathie Lee Gifford. The mere thought of being forced to work in sweat shops and hear about Little Cody gave Billy the shivers. So he put on a coat and they went away.

and at the same moment, all of billy's arms and legs went away too. he wouldn't have minded so much had it not been for an incredible itch on his elbow, since he did not have elbows there was no way he could scratch it. this annoyed him considerably

Billy rubbed his elbow on the carpet and the static electricity shot through the air transforming Billy into a superhero. MR. SUPERDEDOOPERFANTASTICAROONIE MAN! Billy flew around the world and ripping off an idea from Superman reversed the world to reverse time. Then he went back to when the stroy began. There on the stoop sat the younger him eating a carrot. The older Billy beat up the younger Billy and took the carrot, because he was really hungry for a carrot.