the jumping man (?)
the jumping man(?)
by the pizard and Pirate Bob
once there was a man (or was he really a woman?) with three arms and one leg, although one of his arms looked exactly like a leg and was in the place of the leg he did not have. so you see this man(?) was very special. one afternoon he decided he would jump up and down forever...so he began jumping
Well, by late afternoon the man(?) had created a large crater in the earth. For several hours people would pass by and say, "Hey that's a mighty big crater you got there." but the man (?) only scowled at them and continued jumping.
his leg and special leg/arm were getting quite fatigued but he was determined to continue forever. he had reasons for this, but could not remember them and really didn't want to, because he needed to concentrate. then two bunny rabbits hopped up and asked him why he was jumping. "why are you jumping" they said "i am jumping because...." and then he lost his concentration and his leg and "arm" gave out. his "arm" first, because it was only an arm after all and not made for jumping. what would he do now?
The man had no more use for his "arm" or leg so he gnawed them off and replaced them with pogo sticks. Now he could jump as much as he wanted to! He jumped and jumped and jumped and jumped and then he jumped a little bit more. The sun was slowly sinking and he was still jumping.
"this is great!" he thought. "now i can jump forever and think at the same time!" however this good feeling did not last long, because he realised that it was completely pointless to jump forever. he didn't want to jump anymore. but now the problem was that he could not stop jumping. "help" he cried
The pogo sticks had begun to heat up from the frequent usage and they started to smoke. "Argh", he cried as his legs burst into flames. The firemen came and doused his legs, but they couldn't remove the pogo sticks. "This calls for something special!" yelled the fire chief from his throne, "Summon the badger!"
and the badger was summoned immediately. "what do we do with the badger?" asked the firemen....."DO NOT QUESTION MY ORDERS!" boomed the chief, brandishing his sceptre madly. the firemen wasted no time, they used the badger in whatever ways they could think of, until they finally succeeded in getting the man(?) safely to the ground. now the man(?) had to remove the pogo sticks, but that left him with no legs and only two arms.
The firemen all gathered around and proceeded to laugh at the man (?) because of his disablity, because they were cruel evil firemen who were had to make themselves feel better by picking on others. The man(?) picked up a wrench and killed them all, except for the badger who he took to Baskin-Robbins. On the way there they met a ferret, named larry.
"hey a man...or is it a woman...with no legs and a badger. just the fellows i was looking for," said larry. "we are going to baskin-robbins. you can come with us because we are nice and i've only killed a few people recently" said the man(?). larry agreed to this but the badger, who was a wily badger, thought something didn't seem quite right...
It was the hat that larry was wearing. Larry was actually a spy for the Masonic Lodge. Determined to undermine the peaceful life the badger had built for himself, the lodge was always there haunting the badger.
the badger yelled "i have had it with you! this is the last straw!" etc and used his high-tech badger skills and sliced the ferret larry in two or perhaps eight. "let's get some ice cream now" said the badger. the man(?) agreed but he said he had to pee first, but wasn't sure whether or not to sit down
So the man (?) decided to stand on his hands and pee upside down. Of ourse this was messy and he could no longer get ice cream. The badger said, "Hey I have a spare set of clothes," But they didn't fit. This made the man (?) depressed.
"i am so stupid!" thought the man(?). "i don't have legs, i can't stand up! i have to pee sitting down. i should have thought of that. darn" and then he had the thought that since he peed sitting down, maybe that meant he was a woman? well this thought, however illogical, was enough to make him a true woman, and she was no longer depressed, because she had found out who she truly was.
Now that she ahd inner peace the woman journeyed to Tibet. It took her years to climb the mountains because she had no legs and had to crawl all the way up. When she reached the top, she asked the Llama what the secret of life was. And the Llama said, "pee upside down." Filled with this knowledge the women returned to her home and never peed upside down again.